The Color of Relationships
I have read many beautiful books lately, about relationships and there meanings. In the book A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, she explains that relationships are assignments and that no meetings are accidental. She goes on to explain that there are three levels of the teaching-learning relationship.
The first level is the casual encounter, such as two strangers meeting in an elevator.
The second level is a more intense relationship in which, two people spend a significant amount of time together, teaching, learning and growing, and then physically separating.
The third level is a relationship which, once formed, lasts all our lives.
In the first level, we must practice being present: Honoring the person next to us as a person with lessons and experiences to share. A simple smile with genuine eye contact opens the door for such an opportunity. Any personal weaknesses we have with casual relationships will be amplified in our more intense relationships. If we are crabby and impatient with strangers, it’s because we’re not viewing them as people here to teach and learn, we are seeing them as objects in our way, hindering us from getting our own stuff done. If you can shift this perception it will be easier to be gentle with the people we love the most.
At the second level, people are brought together for more intense work, such as a place of employment or school. During this time together, we will go through whatever experiences provide us with next lesson to be learned. When the maximum level of teaching and learning is done, it’s time to go and move to the next level, in our careers or education leaving behind our colleagues or classmates.
What then seems to be the end of a relationship is not really an end at all! Relationships are eternal. What we have shared will continue to be a part of us in our interaction and conversation with others. You may end up hundreds of miles away from family or friends but people we will never be separated.
There are many couples who have separated or divorced and feel they have failed in their relationship. But if both people learned what they were meant to learn, than that relationship was a success. And if they can see this time together as a great gift of learning they will feel the energy of pure love that comes from releasing the existing relationship.
How do you know then when it’s time to move on? It’s a lot like a painting, when the last stroke has been made; it’s time to start a new painting. I believe when you examine your heart with love and compassion, you just know.
The third level, are the lifelong relationships? They are the people who keep growing together, where the teaching learning balance is actually perfect. We don’t always recognize this third level assignment: and it’s not always pretty. Soul mates are not people who make everything easy, they are people who challenge us and make us work the most. Sometimes it represents someone we love dearly, and sometimes it represents someone who we experience as a thorn in our side. The trick is look past the ugly parts and focus on the lesson. It took me years to figure out I couldn’t change anything except my own responses to a situations. It was the change in me that invited a change in my own growth, both emotionally and spiritually. We are in each other’s lives today and always, to help us see where we need the most healing.
This year is a difficult year, with many tragic events, natural disasters and economic struggles and yes, learning opportunities. I find myself a bit overwhelmed by the sadness of it all and yet I know this is a time for all of us to be presents, be kind, and be patient. There is a little prayer I say often, “Dear God let me help as many people who help me”. We all leave little pieces of our self wherever we go, pieces that will enlighten and lift others in their time of growth, teaching us how to love and share more deeply.
